In my last post I talked about pulling the Hunter card from the Wild Unknown Archetypes Deck. When I first pulled the card, I couldn't relate, but as I dove deeper into those qualities they started to become clear in my life. And since that recognition, the questions I have been continuing to work through are: What am I hunting? Why am I hunting it? Is the weapon I hold so tightly in my grip truly needed for the task at hand?
It has been a struggle to articulate what I am hunting. Balance, yes. Happiness, yes. But these words feel simplistic, surface. I am hunting those circumstances under which I can live truthfully, in a life where my purpose and my contribution feels solid and honest. Where I am not distracted by those elements that do not support my best self. Why am I hunting this? Because I feel I have something I can contribute, to share, to offer to others to make their own. And to do this consistently I need to continue to build up those elements that strengthen those circumstances. Is the weapon I hold so tightly in my grip truly needed for task at hand? And this is where I felt my Sage and my Hunter collide. And it shook me.
I love to learn, to study, to seek, incessantly. And I love to share this knowledge. This is my Sage. The light qualities of my Sage can be inspirational, and the light qualities of my Hunter keep me focused, driving forward. But, and this is where they collide, my Hunter's weapon is knowledge, and my Sage's shadow side is holding onto that knowledge so tightly that I don't want to let it go. And that knowledge transforms into not only the need to be right, but to prove it.
Aha. Kaboom.
Letting go of the need to be right (external validation) is something I've been working on for a long time, but the Sage and the Hunter are strong and crafty. And that need has learned to manifest in much more subtle ways. Recently, I realized that I had to let go of a conflict, knowing that from my perspective I was right. But holding onto that weapon so tightly was not going to bring peace, it was only going to bring more conflict, and not conflict that would turn to resolution. Shining light on the facts would only be to validate myself, which might feel good in the moment, but it would not close the matter. The bigger, more important action was to move the matter forward. This does not mean that I reversed my position. It meant I didn't prove it. It meant I disengaged. I let it go. I did not fall for the trap of volleying back and forth knowing that neither of us would budge. And I didn't need that person's acknowledgement of my position to move the project forward.
It was not easy. My Hunter held her weapon tightly, and my ego felt a sting when I finally released it. But after that sting, I felt lighter. And after a little while, I no longer felt that I needed that external validation from the other person, and that having it or not having it did not affect my ability to live truthfully under those circumstances.
My Hunter is focused and my Sage is wise. Together they can be powerful or destructive. My job is to recognize when their patterns of behavior are working in shadow, and when they are working in light.
"Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on." ~Eckhart Tolle
Comments